By — Kyra DePersia
Love is one of life’s greatest mysteries that will most likely never be figured out. In the grand scheme of things though, no one truly knows what love is. I think it can be agreed upon that there are three kinds of people in this world in regards to love, People who think they know what love is, those that think they know, but aren’t one hundred percent sure, and those that have no idea whatsoever. I fall into the second group as do most people. I think I have an idea of what it means to love someone, but at the same time I have absolutely no idea what that even means, but does anyone? This simple fact is what leads us as humans to not be able to tell the difference between loving someone and loving the idea of someone. Well possibly. I have no research to back this up. It’s just a hunch based on observation and personal experience.
In today’s world, it’s easier than ever to fall in love with the idea of someone rather than the actual person. I unfortunately yet fortunately know from a painful (yet necessary) five-year experience. When I was fifteen, I fell head over heels in “love” with my Tumblr dream boy. From unruly yet perfectly placed curly hair down to the high top Converse, he was all my teenage heart had wanted and more. We’d talk on the phone for hours every night and head bob to the newest Odd Future single when we were together. As a high school freshman who was very into all things obscure and considered to be Hipsteresque, what more could I want? At this stage in my life, I could think of a couple things that would be more beneficial, but that’s beside the point. My perfect boyfriend and I parted ways exactly two months later. I was devastated. Who would I take cute couple photos with now? Looking back at it now, I think I was more upset about losing this concept of a dreamy boyfriend than I was about losing the person himself. Granted, I was only fifteen, but I should have learned from this experience that there is a difference between loving a person and loving the idea of them.
Fast forward to my freshman year of college so four years later, and I’m back in nearly the same position with the same person except this time I stay up until 2 A.M. just waiting for a text from him or even the slightest bit of attention (Yes, I’m aware of how sad that sounds). Then after a week or so he would ghost me so hard that it was physically painful. Then a couple weeks later, he’d reappear in the form of a text message featuring some sad excuse that of course I’d give him the benefit of the doubt for. We’d talk for days and then he’d disappear once again; converse, disappear, repeat. This exact cycle continued up until a couple weeks ago. I was stuck running in circles like the Scooby Doo gang over someone that I thought was the bee’s knees. Not to say that he’s a bad person or anything like that, but I was in love with an idea of a person not an actual person and that’s on me. I was the one who couldn’t seem to grasp that concept. You may wonder where this leaves him in the mix, but he had no emotion involved so he wasn’t torn up like I was due to the rollercoaster ride of a relationship, if you will. He was just fine.
As awful as this experience was, it taught me so much about not only myself, but about what love is and love isn’t. While my feelings were real, they were for someone whom didn’t necessarily exist. They were for an idealistic version of him that didn’t exist and never would. Things hadn’t changed from the time I was fifteen to now, nearly six to seven years later. While it took what feels like a millennium for me to learn this lesson, I’m glad I did. Love isn’t blind, it’s farsighted and needs a stronger prescription asap.
ALL IMAGES SOURCED FROM New York TIMES
New York TIMES http://time.com/2918758/how-to-make-someone-fall-in-love-with-you/